The True Meaning of “Being Yourself”: Understanding the Self Through Feelings
We often hear people say, “Be yourself. Live your own life.”
But what does “self” truly mean? Why do we sometimes feel that—even though we spend every day with ourselves—we still don’t really know who we are?
In truth, self-understanding is not something we are born with.
It is a lifelong process of exploration, reflection, and integration. As humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers (1961) wrote, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”
To be yourself means to continually move closer to your authentic self—a journey of awareness, acceptance, and growth.
1. Begin With Your Feelings
The most direct way to know yourself is by tuning into your feelings.
When we slow down and pay attention to our emotions—without judgment—we begin to have an honest conversation with our inner world.
Each time we face our feelings with courage, we open a new door to self-knowledge.
Behind every emotion lies a story, a truth, or a need waiting to be acknowledged. This gentle curiosity expands our awareness and helps us understand who we are beneath the roles and expectations we carry.
In analytical psychology, Carl Jung (1953) called this process individuation—the gradual integration of conscious and unconscious parts of the psyche. Through this integration, we become more authentic and whole.
2. Integration: Turning Fragments Into Wholeness
As we explore ourselves, we often uncover many thoughts, memories, and emotions that seem scattered or even contradictory.
This is where integration becomes vital.
Integration doesn’t mean simply collecting everything inside you; it’s more like assembling a puzzle—sorting, understanding, and arranging pieces until they form a coherent image of who you are.
Through this creative process, we learn to embrace contradictions and reconcile inner conflicts.
Instead of rejecting our anger, sadness, or vulnerability, we begin to see how these emotions carry important information about our needs and values.
Research shows that people who approach their emotions with openness and compassion experience greater resilience and psychological well-being (Brown, 2010).
3. Finding Balance and Freedom
When exploration leads to expansion, and integration brings wholeness, our lives naturally become more balanced and meaningful. We are no longer passively shaped by circumstances or others’ expectations.
Instead, we begin to live from the inside out—guided by our values, clarity, and inner calm.
At this point, being yourself is not just a slogan; it becomes a lived experience of freedom and grounded presence.
We can finally say, with both confidence and peace:
“This is my life — and I am in charge.”
References
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.
Jung, C. G. (1953). Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. Princeton University Press.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
Author: Wendi Jia, LMHC, Psychotherapist at MBG Clinic.
Psychological services available in multiple languages (English, Mandarin, Cantonese, French, Turkish, etc.): 650-434-2563; admin@mindbodygarden.com. HSA/FSA accepted. Send us a text message on the phone, or call us and leave a voicemail.
Appointment & Office Locations:
admin@mindbodygarden.com
Office 1 (Los Altos)
885 N. San Antonio Rd., Suite O, Los Altos, CA 94022
Office 2 (SF)
110 Gough Street #402, San Francisco, CA 94102
Office 3 (San Diego)
9920 Pacific Heights Blvd, Suite 150, San Diego, CA 92121
Office 4 (New York)
303 Fifth Avenue, Suite 901, New York, NY 10016